


Gomen Tsukki!

by gloooomanddooom



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Suga/Daichi (Mentioned), tsukki owns a diary, tsukki really like dinosaurs, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:14:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25396738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloooomanddooom/pseuds/gloooomanddooom
Summary: “Relax Yamaguchi! All good volleyball players break into their childhood friend’s house at least once in their life!”Or Yamaguchi finds Tsukki's diary and reads some stuff he probably shouldn't have found...
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 86





	1. A Hidden Book You Say???

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! I love this ship and wanted to post something about haikyuu to honor its ending. Sorry about my Jojo fic, just had to write this real quick ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heeheehoohoo

The sound of Tennis Shoes and volleyballs scuffing the floor still echoed in Yamaguchi’s head, he could even feel the burning sensation in his arms from the receive drills coach Ukai made them do before and after practice. 

Now Yamaguchi was absentmindedly folding his jersey, halfway listening to the mindless conversation Tanaka and Hinata were having as they too got changed. Kageyama on the other hand stood as far away from the trio as he could while he laced his shoes. 

“Yo, Yamaguchi,” Asked Tanaka, turning towards the green-haired boy. “Where was Tsukki during practice? Daichi might’ve told me but I forget.”

“Oh,” Smiled Yamaguchi sheepishly, he felt one hundred times cooler when he got to brag about Tsukishimia. “He’s at a fancy student conference for English, only the top of our class gets to go.”

Hinata pouted, crossing his arms. “I wouldn't ditch practice for some fancy convention!” Kageyama sighed, turning to face the three.

“Conference idiot, and it’s not like you’ll ever be smart enough to be invited to one anyways.” Hinata gasped in betrayal, clutching his shirt. 

Tanaka interrupted before things could escalate between the two, budging in front of Hinata. “You're one to talk Kageyama.” He remarked using his “ _I’m older so respect me_ ” voice. 

Kageyama rolled his eyes, ignoring Tanaka’s authoritative tone. “Like your any better-”

That insult must’ve really gotten to him and in a flash, before Yamaguchi could even blink, Tanaka was hoisting Kageyama in the air by the collar of his shirt. Hinata egging him on. 

the freckled boy really didn’t want to be caught in _another_ scuffle between the three, so he slung his school bag over his shoulder and made his way towards the door, making an escape. 

“HOLD UP!” Shouted Tanaka, dropping Kageyama to the floor with a loud “oof”. 

Yamaguchi stopped where he stood, turning around slightly to face the buzz cut maniac. He was smiling devilishly, some sort of wicked plot turning in his brain. 

“Yamaguchi!” He demanded, interrupting Kageyama before he could start complaining. 

The green-haired boy was silent for a moment, then. “Yeah Tanaka?” He asked embarrassed, finding the ground much more interesting than the man in front of him at the moment. 

“How long is Tsukishima gonna be gone?”

\------------

A silence passed through the room, as Yamaguchi participated in a silent stand-off against Tanaka. 

“He’s not coming back until tomorrow afternoon at lunch… Why?” Responded the freckled boy, giving into Tanaka’s glare and looking bashfully between the three in front of him. 

“Well, you know how he’s always picking on us!” Tanaka exclaimed, looking down at Kageyama and back to Hinata, who both nodded affirmatively. 

“So, now’s the time to get back at him...! You know-” He said, wrestling to find the correct wording. “Find something... To bully _him_ about!” He finished, with a grandeur fist bump. 

Yamaguchi cringed at the excited faces of Hinata and Kageyama. 

“He isn’t _that_ bad… y’know…” Yamaguchi tried, watching his feet shuffle against the floor, wanting to stand up for his friend. 

His statement was met with glares from the trio, immediately shutting down his remark. 

Kageyama looked back at Tanaka, raising an eyebrow in a criticizing manner. “So how exactly would we do that?” 

“Uhhh, I don’t know…” Tanaka thought aloud, tapping his chin with his fingers, deep in thought. It felt weird seeing him like that. 

“Where do people usually keep things that are important to you?” 

Hinata, happy to have an answer, practically jumped in the air. “I keep all my important stuff in my closet!” 

Kageyama smirked, most likely keeping that information for later as Tanaka continued to consider. “Mmm, I was thinking more like his locker or something…”

“Are you suggesting we break into his house?” Asked Kageyama, ignoring Tanaka’s suggestion. 

Hinata paused, cocking his head to the side, confused. 

“Now that you mention it, it’s a pretty good idea…” Tanaka trailed off, tapping his foot in rhythm to something Yamaguchi couldn’t hear. 

“Uhh, guys?” Yamaguchi asked, stepping into the conversation. “Could you maybe… _not_ talk about this in front of me?”

Tanaka paused, lifting his hands to emphasize. “Just wait, Yamaguchi! If we wanna do this, we’re gonna need you!”

“And why would I want to partake in this anyways?” He asked, turning to leave the room. 

“Haven’t you ever wondered if there was something Tsukki wasn’t telling you?” Tanaka shouted, catching Yamaguchi’s attention. 

“There could be a girl he’s not telling you about…” Smirked Tanaka, seeing Yamaguchi turn to them, eyes wide. Yams didn’t know what it was about that sentence but the very thought of Tsukki having a girlfriend without telling made his blood boil, it made him _angry_ , and he couldn’t figure out why. 

Tsukki was his _friend_ , he’d tell him if he was in a relationship right? Besides he didn’t need a girlfriend, they had each other. 

It was always him and Tsukki, Tsukki, and him… not some random chick. They were ride or die, and they had each other’s backs. Yamaguchi was gonna stick with him until the very end, he was even planning to go to the same college and profession as Tsukki. 

He wouldn’t, would he?

Yamaguchi inwardly groaned at his thinking, god he was being so clingy. 

\--------------

Tanaka’s remark had riled up Yamaguchi, as he fell for it hook line and sinker, and before the green-haired boy could say “ _Tsukishima Kei’s secret girlfriend ”_ the four where out the door of the gymnasium and on their way down the familiar path Yamaguchi walked each day to the familiar house at the end of it. 

“So what exactly is the plan?” Asked Kageyama, throwing his empty milk carton into a nearby trash can.

“We go to Tsukishima’s house, Yamaguchi says he forgot something, we go into his room, look for a bit, then leave, easy in and out.” Explained Tanaka, folding his arms behind him in a carefree gesture as he strutted down the street. 

“I don’t know…” Sighed Yamaguchi, his gaze wandering as he tried to distract himself from the lying he was inevitably supposed to pull off. 

He’d never been good at lying, one time as a kid he heard that Tsukki was planning to pretend to be sick then when his mom left for work he’d sneak out. Not wanting to be left out, Yamaguchi decided he would too and went up to his mom, fully ready to complain about a sudden stomach ache. However, as soon as his mother asked him what was wrong, Yamaguchi broke out into a nervous sweat and started crying… Needless to say, that was one long day without Tsukki by his side.

He could already feel the tingle of his nerves all over his body as the four approached the Tsukishima household. 

The door to the house fastly approached them as Tanaka pushed Yamaguchi to the front of the group, the poor, freckled student lifting a shaking hand to knock on the door. 

At first, Yamaguchi thought it was Tsukki who opened the door to greet them but then he noticed the lack of glasses and more neatly styled hair. He felt the disappointment rush through him and tried to hide it with a nervous smile. 

“Hey, Tadashi.” Akiteru flashed a smile, looking behind him to spot Kageyama, Hinata, and Tanaka. “Tsukki’s not here today,” He smirked, his tall body sticking halfway through the partially opened door. 

“Yeah uh-” Yamaguchi dared a glance and Tanaka who smiled reassuringly back at him. “I left one of my textbooks here, do you mind if I grab it?”

“In Kei’s room?” He asked. 

“Ummm yes... Is that okay?” Asked the green-haired student timidly. 

“Sure, would your friends like anything to drink? I was making some iced tea-” Suggested Akiteru, pointing behind his shoulder towards the Tsukishima family kitchen. 

Before Yamaguchi had a chance to object, Hinata jumped at the opportunity, metaphorically and physically. 

“Sure!” 

Kageyama elbowed him in the gut and Hinata doubled over with a grunt. Tanaka’s face fell as he looked at Yamaguchi nervously. 

“Well then, come in, I guess.” Smiled Akiteru, shocked at Hinata’s spunkiness. The blonde-haired boy opened the door the rest of the way to his unplanned guests as the four high schoolers took off their shoes. 

“You know the way to Kei’s room,” Said Akiteru, pointing towards the staircase, already making his way to the kitchen to make three more cups of tea. 

Yamaguchi nodded his head as Tanaka grabbed him by the shirt and hurriedly whispered. 

“You’re on your own now.” 

Yamaguchi gulped nervously as he shakily made his way up the familiar stairs, not being one to disappoint. 

As his feet moved automatically Yamaguchi’s eyes wandered the walls, spotting many family photos. 

The photos were equally distributed between the two Tsukishima brothers. Ones of Akiteru were normal and quiet, showing his graduation, volleyball team, and birthdays. Tsukki’s on the other hand showed a brooding teenager with his hands in his pocket, standing at half his height due to his slouching. His face held a deep-seated frown and a glare in each photograph as if he was making a point to not smile. 

Apparently there was one exception though. 

The last photo at the top of the staircase showed off a middle schooler Yamaguchi and Tsukki. They’d been celebrating Tsukki’s thirteenth birthday, The blonde had only wanted to invite Yamaguchi and he remembered feeling so incredibly _special_ when Tsukki had told him.

They’d planned to eat icecream and watch a movie but Yamaguchi had dropped his desert and Tsukki had given the rest of his strawberry cone to the green-haired boy. Yamaguchi had almost cried at the gesture and Ms. Tsukishima had taken a photo of the two. Yamaguchi smiling brightly and Tsukki flashing a half-smirk, rolling his eyes, as his glasses glinted in the setting sun. 

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but smile when reminiscing on the old memory. He shook his head, remembering why he was there in the first place as he finished the hike up the staircase. 

Tsukki’s room was pleasantly warm, the golden hour light filtering through his window as his curtains blew lazily from the breeze. 

His neatly ironed volleyball uniform hung next to his desk with his computer and shelves with plush dinosaurs on it. All his pencils and schoolwork neatly stacked in organized piles. Tsukki’s bed was pushed up against the wall, the sheets unlike the rest of his room were thrown around haphazardly, half of the blankets on the floor. 

Yamaguchi smirked slightly to himself. It felt cool that seeing Tsukki’s room like this was something only really he had the ability to see. He felt special and warm with pride that Tsukki valued him. 

His eyes darted around the room, searching for anything of value. “What would Tanaka think if I just _said_ I couldn't”t find anything?” Tadashi thought aloud, scratching the back of his neck as he bent down to look under Tsukki’s desk. 

There was a tiny shelf connected to the legs of the table that held a few bound notebooks, all with no writing on the spine or covers. 

Yamaguchi tilted his head at the strange books as he reached out his hand to grab a journal with a dark maroon cover. Tadashi had never seen the group of notebooks before as he ran his hand over the cover and cracked the spine open, his eyes grazing a random page halfway through the book. 

Scratchy handwritten characters ran down the pages, the papers behind it had ink splotches that seeped from the other page and randomly scribbled over words caught Yamaguchi’s attention as he tried to make out what he was reading. 

His eyes widened as he realized exactly what it was: _A diary!_ And not just anyone's diary, it was _Tsukki’s diary_. 

Now, this was something Tanaka would’ve loved to get his hands on, as soon as Yamaguchi would explain what it was, Tanaka would snatch it from his hands and hungrily eat up the words, pointing things out to Kageyama and Hinata as he snickered menacingly. 

Yamaguchi shook his head, _no_! He wasn’t going to let that happen! Tsukki was his friend! He’d just find something embarrassing like his dinosaur onesie and tell Tanaka about that. 

Still…

It wouldn’t hurt to just read a _tiny_ bit of the diary… Then he could throw it back on the shelf and forget all about it! Yeah! It’s not like anyone would find out anyways. 

He flipped towards the last ten pages and started to quickly read the words. Running his fingers along the lines of the paper as a guide. 

“ _October 6th, 2015_ ” Yamaguchi read. “ _Practice was boring, as usual, Tanaka screamed the entire time, Nishinoya joining in halfway through like a chorus of horny teenage boys.”_ The green-haired student giggled to himself, thinking back to that day about three weeks ago. “ _Sometimes I think the only sane person here is Tadashi. I really liked the way he had his bangs pulled up in a small ponytail, ‘made me want to run my hands through it.”_

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened as he finished the page he was reading. _That’s_ something friends do… _right_? Still, the freckled boy couldn’t stop himself from flipping to the next page, his heart pounding. 

“ _These days I’ve been wanting more and_ more _to hang out with Yamaguchi the entire school day and afterwards, it’s like I can’t get him out of my mind.”_ He could practically hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears as his eyes began to skip words, too afraid of what he’d see if he read the next sentence. “ _After watching Yamaguchi successfully pull off a jump serve, it was like it hit me like a ton of bricks-”_

Tsukki’s handwriting was getting more frantic and uncharacteristically messy. _“I think I like-”_ Yamaguchi looked at the scribbled out word in pen as he read the next character after it. “ _Love, yeah, I_ love _Yamaguchi_.” 

Yamaguchi bit his lip to stop himself from gasping too loudly. His eyes widened and he slammed the book shut. 

Tsukki liked him, no, _loved him._

Was Tsukki gay? He had to be if he loved Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi had never seen the words gay and good together in the same sentence. He was raised strictly to believe that marriage was intended to be between a man and a woman. The teenager still has the memory burned into his head from when his mother publicly shamed two women holding hands in public, back when Yamaguchi was only six and he remembered feeling so uncomfortable and embarrassed to be holding his mom's hand, tugging to try and get his mom to leave. The girls had been doing nothing wrong, but yet it was supposed to be _bad_.

Tsukki loved him, and even just acknowledging that fact made his heart soar. He felt light and airy, like a big gust of wind had blown through him, taking away all of his worries and fears. Unadulterated love shot through him like a bullet, making his face go red and his toes curl, but just as soon as that feeling came, it went. 

The poor freckled student was terrified of himself. Did he feel the same way as Tsukki? Should he be ashamed? Should he be beside himself with disgust? Even with all of these thoughts soaring through his head at one hundred miles per hour, it felt _good._ He was trembling, but not with fear. 

Yamaguchi shook his head, banishing all thoughts of the lumbering blonde from his head.

“Tadashi!” Called Akiteru from downstairs. “Did you find your textbook?” 

The green-haired student jumped, as he threw the book quickly into his school bag, shouldering it slightly as he dashed out of Tsukki’s room. 

“Yeah, thank’s Akiteru.”  
“No problem Tadashi, your friends are quite the interesting types.” Yamaguchi could see his smirk as he made his way down the staircase, twice as nervous than when he first arrived. 

The three other Karasuno students were comfortably lounging around the counter of the kitchen. 

The quadruplet reconvened as Akiteru herded them to the door, sighing tiredly with a smile as they all filled out the entrance, onto the Tsukishima front steps. 

“I’ll see you soon Tadashi, glad you found your textbook.”

“Yeah…” Mumbled Yamaguchi, his hands shaking, his hands digging into the sash connected to his bag until his fingers ached with the effort. 

As soon as the four were out of earshot of Akiteru, Tanaka slammed his fist into Kageyama’s stomach making him double over. 

“You can’t just ask every graduated Karasuno volleyball player a quiz on setting, dumbass! Did you even see how uncomfortable he was!” 

Kageyama groaned and clutched his gut. Tanaka smirked and threw his jacket over his shoulder, cupping his hands around his neck as he strutted to the front of the group and turned around to face them. 

“So…” He trailed off, looking at Yamaguchi hungrily. “Did ‘ya find anything?”

Yamaguchi hesitated, not daring to look Tanaka in the eyes. “...No” he finally mumbled, his face growing a hot red. 

Tanaka looked Yamaguchi up and down, his expression suddenly worried. 

“Okay…” He trailed off, not bothering to push it. “I’m sorry Yamaguchi if you felt pressured-” He apologized, his confident strut melting away. 

“Yeah.” Agreed Hinata, looking up at Yamaguchi, the oranges in the sunset illuminating his hair, making it look like fire. “I hope we didn’t make you uncomfortable.” Kageyama nodded, briefly bowing slightly towards Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi blushed, waving his hand. “Seriously guys! It’s okay… Thank you for apologizing.”

“No problem bro.” Smiled Tanaka, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Just tell us next time, okay?”   
“Okay.” Smiled Yamaguchi.

“I don’t know about you guys but I’m down for some ice cream!” Shouted Hinata, promptly changing the subject, practically bouncing down the road. 

“Are they even open this late?” Countered Kageyama.

“Sure they are!” Smiled Tanaka. “My treat!” 

Hinata whooped loudly, and for a second Yamaguchi’s thoughts went back to the small diary at the bottom of his school bag, the butterflies in his stomach refusing to rest as the four made their way down the road.


	2. Left on Read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki sees Yamaguchi after returning from his student conference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAA! I am so SO sorry for not updating!! I've procrastinated a lot due to my gf getting me into danganronpa and yttd (Which I have been binging and playing) I hope you can forgive me and I'll hopefully get the next chapter out much quicker than this one.

Tsukishima groaned as he threw himself and his duffle bag into the small bus seat,

wrapping his headphones around his ears.

Even though the music was drowning out all signs of other students around him, the cheerful notes couldn’t stop the raging sea of thoughts crashing into the shore of his mind. 

The blonde tapped his feet nervously, biting back the urge to check his phone notifications for the sixth time in the past five minutes. 

It was unlike Yamaguchi to not text him back. Usually, they’d talk at least once after school. Tsukki had learned to cherish these moments, realizing that he was given the freedom of Yamaguchi  _ not  _ being able to see the blonde’s reactions. 

He could giggle, hum, or roll around in his bed and no one would be the wiser. Sometimes Kei would chastise himself for his childish behavior, but that was quickly thrown out the window when Yamaguchi would compliment him through the phone. 

Still, last night Tsukki had texted the freckled boy:

**Gn Tadashi**

To no response, which made him rethink every possible decision he made after the fifth grade. 

_ Was Yamaguchi mad at him _ ?  _ Was he too informal with the “gn” _ ?  _ Is his phone dead _ ?  _ Did he not like Tsukki calling him Tadashi _ ?  _ Although you’d think they’d already be in that stage of their relationship _ ...

Tsukki came up with an excuse, after excuse, trying to figure out why Yamaguchi wasn’t responding to him. His heart filled with dread and embarrassment as he nervously palmed his phone, looking out the window to distract himself. 

The blonde scolded himself for the constant overthinking, but he couldn’t  _ help  _ it! It was like Yamaguchi was purposefully ignoring him, and Tsukki was quite fed up with that at this point. 

He finally settled on “ _ went to bed early _ ”. Tsukki sighed, looking out the window and he closed his eyes, letting his brain revisit the small details of Yamaguchi that Kei had burned into his memory. The way his freckles dotted his face like stars, and he smelled like a field of sunflowers. Tsukki could  _ almost  _ imagine it. Laying amongst the grass and flowers, his hand cradling Yamaguchi’s as they looked up at the fluffy cotton clouds that seemed so close you could almost touch them if you tried. There were so many things he wanted to experience with Yamaguchi, and he practically buzzed at the thought of it. 

He smiled, remembering how he  _ loved  _ Yamaguchi, and all previous thoughts of worry swiped clear of his mind as the freckled student consumed the blonde’s thoughts. Tsukki was sure of it, all throughout his childhood, he’d never felt anything towards anyone until Tadashi came around. Yamaguchi was there for him 24/7, especially when his brother lied to him. He’d been so confidently proud of Akiteru and even though it was stupid, he loved his brother and was the most vulnerable he’d ever been in that period of time, yet Yamaguchi stook through it all, he was  _ there  _ for him, and he wanted to be  _ there  _ for Yamaguchi. 

His eyes wandered back to his phone to see that underneath the green text bubble was a small “ _ read _ ”.

Oh, fuck no, Yamaguchi did not just  _ leave  _ him on  _ read _ . 

Tsukki bit his lip, waiting for a response, and to no avail, none came. 

He looked back out the window, going back to nervously tapping his foot, in rhythm to the hum of the bus's engine. Even his music wasn’t loud enough to drown out the dread he felt. 

Tsukki had determined that he’d fallen for Yamaguchi long before he realized. The blonde had decided it happened around the time Yamaguchi constantly followed him around, like a dog on a leash. They spent every waking hour together, attached at the hip, inseparable. 

The tall student hadn’t had a chance to sort out his feelings while he was constantly being bombarded by the sheer feeling that was Yamaguchi, and god did he love that feeling. It made him feel like he could do anything, it was like a sugar high, like a drug he was addicted to and never wanted to stop. But at the same time, it made him want to tear at his skin and cry. 

Sometimes Tsukki (just for fun) would consider the possibility that Yamaguchi liked him back, I mean why else would someone follow you around for the better half of one-third of their life so far? He’d have to love Tsukki back right? 

But that was another topic to go into the “ _ overthink at two AM _ ” pile, Kei thought to himself as the bus lurched forward, signaling they’d arrived back at the school. 

When did that happen? Tsukki shook it off, sighing anxiously as he exited the school bus. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so emotional, it was like Tsukki had been on a rollercoaster ride for the last two months and it still hadn’t stopped. Constantly going through loop-de-loops and drops.

Still, he shook his head, regaining his posture. He couldn’t- no, he  _ won’t  _ let anyone see the vulnerability Yamaguchi pulls from him. 

\-------------------

It was lunchtime, but Tsukki was too nervous to eat, his mind still going back to his “left on read” messages. Yamaguchi had never ignored Tsukki like that, hell he was usually the first one to text Tsukki. 

His frown perked slightly when he saw a blob of green hair shuffle open the class door, and spot The blonde from across the classroom.

He waved slightly and looked at the ground, which made Tsukki frown once more.  _ Was this proof that Yamaguchi was mad at him _ ? 

“Tsukki!” He smiled, but his eyes held no joy, just an anxious cloud of green. “Can we eat outside today?” 

Kei looked the man up and down suspiciously, studying his eyes carefully. “... Sure…, How about that bench outside the gym?” He suggested, pointing out the window in the vague direction of the gymnasium. 

Yamaguchi nodded in agreeance, already heading towards the door. Tsukki bit his lip nervously.  _ What did he want to ask Tsukki _ ?

\-------------------------

“What did you want to talk about Yamaguchi?” Asked Tsukki as he looked at Yamaguchi’s lunchbox he'd had since he was thirteen. 

“Oh uh…” Trailed off Yamaguchi, still refusing to look Tsukki in the eye. “How was your conference…?” Asked the freckled student, nervously changing the subject. 

Tsukki frowned, looking the boy up and down. 

“Good…” He complied, looking up at the cloudless sky. “Boring though.” 

“That sucks,” Sympathized Yamaguchi, biting his lip. 

“Listen Tsukki-” He started, a red blush dusting his face. “I’d forgotten one of my textbooks at your place on Tuesday and your brother let me go into your room to grab it and…” 

Tsukishima watched as Yamaguchi inhaled deeply, seemingly to prepare himself as he reached into his discarded bag on the ground. 

“I found… this…” He continued pulling a familiar hardcover maroon journal from his backpack and turning it over nervously in his hands. 

Tsukki’s eyes widened in recognition as he looked up at Yamaguchi, biting his lip nervously as questions raced past his head making Tsukki feel nauseous as he looked up at the uncomfortable frown on Yamaguchi’s face. 

_ Had he read it? Did he find out about Tsukki’s crush? Hopefully, he didn’t see the page with that one dream of Tsukki’s… Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did you start a diary!  _ He scolded himself, everything around him seems to slow as his heart felt like it was going one million miles an hour. 

Still, a part of him held hope that maybe Tadashi would return his feelings. After all, there had been all those times before where Tsukki could’ve sworn he felt something  _ more  _ between the two! The soft brushes of hands and the calm evenings spent together on the floor of Tsukki’s room. But before Kei could reassure himself and plaster a cocky smirk over his slowly crumbling exterior Yamaguchi continued, tucking a long lock of shaggy green hair behind his ear. 

“I uh, accidentally read a page and glimpsed some stuff on accident,” 

Tsukki froze, like a deer in headlights as the color drained from his face. “I just… Isn’t it a  _ little  _ weird to like a-... a uh-...  _ dude _ ?” He finished, gulping nervously. 

Tsukki frowned, his body going numb as he realized what Yamaguchi was trying to say. 

Tadashi bit his lip nervously as he played with his school uniform, refusing to meet Tsukki’s gaze as the blonde felt tears prick his eyes. He harshly turned his head to the side, scoffing slightly. 

Yamaguchi continued hesitantly. “I mean it’s kinda…” The green-haired man stopped himself, glancing nervously at the ground. “I just didn’t know you were a f-f-fa-fa…” Yamaguchi stuttered trying to force the words from his mouth but ending up unable to as he dejectedly glanced at Tsukki for only a split second, returning to the ground.

“S… Sorry, Tsukki.”

“No, it’s-... It’s uh, okay… I um, gotta go…  _ bye _ -” He quickly mumbled, pushing Yamaguchi to the side slightly as he rushed off the school field, forcing his body to go as fast as it could. He didn’t care if he’d be out of breath, he forced his long legs to move as he bolted. 

The tears came freely now as he fled, Burning his face as they flowed down his cheeks in fat blobs, almost blurring the vision of his glasses. 

Tsukki was never an ugly crier, he hadn’t cried since Akiteru and he knew he couldn’t let anyone see, he spent too long building up his cocky and smartass exterior to let anyone notice him crumble like this. 

Who would he go to? Who would he confide in? His first answer was usually Tadashi, it was always Tadashi. He could call his mom? Feign sickness, go home and  _ cry _ . He had volleyball practice later but that didn’t matter. This was something he was going to bear himself and that thought alone made him choke out a sob as he swiped at his face. When had he become so  _ weak _ ?

He wanted Tadashi to follow him, for him to apologize like he always did and they could continue like normal, walk home together then pretend it never happened. But he knew that wouldn’t happen. Tsukki may have ruined his only chance at a normal friendship, maybe even a normal  _ love.  _

\-----------------

Tsukki sniffled slightly as he sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the school office. He’d gone to the school nurse saying he didn’t feel well, faking a stomach ache. 

The nurse had looked skeptical but let him call his mom after looking sympathetically at his bloodshot eyes from crying. His mom had told Tsukki she’d be sending Akiteru to pick him up since he’d been spending the past week at home due to some sort of insurance problem, starting at his university making it impossible to continue his school work. 

He nervously played with his uniform jacket and glanced at the clock. There were only four more hours left of school, he was meant to tutor that stupid tangerine and Kageyama along with spending another two to three hours physically exerting himself for volleyball. 

He shook his head, the only thing that had made those enjoyable was that Yamaguchi was by his side… Now, he didn’t know what he was going to do. 

Tsukki knew deep down that he was over exaggerating. It was only a high-school crush, it was  _ only  _ a tiny rejection. He could make tons of other friends if he really wanted. 

The blonde tried to reassure himself, biting his lip, hard, to try and not cry. 

But that's the thing, wasn’t it? It wasn’t  _ just  _ a high school crush. It was  _ Tadashi.  _ They’d been through everything together, they’d been friends from the start. He was Tsukki’s  _ friend _ , he was  _ Tsukki’s _ . Two small tears fell before Tsukki could stop them, and he quickly swept them away when he spotted Akiteru walking into the office. 

“Hey dude, you ready to go?” Asked his brother, holding the car keys in front of him. 

Tsukki finished grabbing his bag and made his way to the entrance of the school, walking to Akiteru’s car as he started the engine. 

The pair started down the road, Tsukki looking dejectedly out of the car. He could feel Akiteru glancing at him every few minutes, sighing heavily as he stopped at a red light. 

“Mom wanted me to tell you about a dinner party she’s holding next week…” He started, trying to make small talk as Tsukki grunted in reply, placing his head on the cold glass window. 

“She’d met a new coworker with kids,” He continued. “One of them’s a girl your age…”

Tsukki could already see where this conversation was going. 

“Mom was wondering if maybe you could  _ try _ …” He trailed off waving his hands as the light turned green and he stepped on the gas once more. “Try, and see if you two could... Hit it off or something like that-...” He worded awkwardly as he glanced at Tsukki. 

Kei rolled his eyes to himself. “Why does mom want me trying to get a girlfriend? I’m only in High School…”

“I know…” Sighed Akiteru. “It’s just you hardly have any friends besides Tadashi and if you ask me or mom, you have to admit you two are a little _too_ close if you know what I mean…” He bit his lip, staring at the road. “We’re starting to worry that maybe-”   
Tsukki cut him off, not wanting to deal with this conversation, especially after what happened at lunch. “Yeah sure… Whatever, I’ll talk to her…” 

“Great!” Smiled, Akiteru, glad he didn’t have to confront Tsukki. “Just make sure you get some sleep, we want you feeling good when we have dinner tomorrow!” He joked, but Tsukki felt like he wanted to cry ten times harder now. Was liking Tadashi  _ that  _ bad?

\-------------------

As soon as Tsukki got to his room he slammed the door shut, sinking to the ground as he shuddered, holding himself in his arms. He used to like to pretend it was Tadashi holding him, but now he couldn’t even bear the thought of the green-haired man as he wept, a small whimper racking through his body, causing him to fall to the ground, laying on the cold wood flooring. 

He clutched at his shirt, trying hard to not cry out in fear that Akiteru would hear him. 

Tsukki stayed that way for a long time, he was unsure but by the hour he was able to pick himself up from the ground the sun had set, and the sky was littered with stars. . 

His face had stuck to the ground that was wet from his tears. And he scoffed softly, turning to face himself in his dresser mirror. There were deep black bags under his eyes that were puffy from crying, and his blond hair was pushed haphazardly to the side in a mess of curls, his glasses laying crookedly along the bridge of his nose.

He glanced once more at the pitch-black sky, staring at the clusters of stars dotting the horizon. The stars looked like Yamaguchi’s freckles. Dotting his cheeks like constellations, and dusting his face full of galaxies that could hold Tsukki’s gaze for hours. 

Tsukishima groaned, falling back onto his bed and curling up in the blankets and pillows. He desperately grasped the nearest dinosaur plushy and held it close to him. Not wanting anything more than to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. 


	3. Hidden Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These bitches gay, good for them, good for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final frontier! Sorry for the mega slow updates my body just decided now would be a good time for me to finally become a highschool burn out lmao.

“Did you see Tsukki at all Hinata?” Asked Yamaguchi, nervously spinning the volleyball in his hands as they cleaned up the gym’s court. The green-haired boy was exhausted, not just from volleyball but the emotional rollercoaster he had been on today. 

“No,” Replied Hinata with a frown. “He was meant to tutor us too, but he never showed up!” He complained, referring to Kageyama. 

“Did he go home?” Asked Yamaguchi, refusing to look the ginger in the eyes. 

“Yachi said he apparently went home, sick, ‘didn’t feel good or somethin’” Explained Hinata, as he pushed the cart of volleyballs off to the storage unit, abruptly ending their conversation. 

“Oh.”

Yamaguchi went back to staring off into space, deep in thought when he heard Sugawara call his name. 

“Hey Yamaguchi, you doing all right?” The white-haired third year asked, waving slightly in a welcoming gesture. 

Yamaguchi hummed a reply, still nervously holding the volleyball in his hands. It felt weird without Tsukki by his side. 

He was always there, a constant in Yamaguchi’s life. Sometimes he’d whistle a simple tune he’d listened to recently, or slyly attach himself to Yamaguchi’s torso as they walked, Tadashi almost tripping over his long legs as their arms brushed together lightly. Tsukki wasn’t one for conversation, and if he did he would always be complaining. The blonde's voice was never whiny or bratty, but rather cocky and steady, a deep rumble, his laugh like thunder. 

“Yamaguchi, are you listening to me?” Snickered Suga, slapping Tadashi lightly on the arm, causing the green-haired student to yelp and drop the ball in his hands. It bounced along the ground, the only sound in their awkward silence. 

There was a pause, then Sugawara’s soft voice. “Yamaguchi… Are you okay?”

Yamaguchi didn’t respond, looking out at the dark sky from the gym’s window. The sun had long since disappeared behind the horizon and a few small clusters of stars had already started appearing. 

“How about we go for a walk, Tadashi?”

\---------

“I noticed you weren’t landing any float servers Yamaguchi, is something going on…?” Yamaguchi bit his lip at the question, the cold, brisk air causing him to shiver as they walked along the campus. 

“You don’t have to answer anything you’re uncomfortable with,” Suga added quickly, putting his hands into his uniform shorts pockets. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I-” Yamaguchi started. 

“Am I a bad person?”

Suga didn’t answer, looking at the sky. “What makes you think that, Yamaguchi?” Yamaguchi’s eyes burned with the start of tears, his vision turning blurry. 

His voice came out warbled and soft, trying hard not to cry. “I-... Tsukki…”

Yamaguchi took a deep breath and Suga patted him gently on the back as he started his rambling. He began on yesterday, explaining Tanaka’s evil plot (which Suga frowned at) all the way to a couple of hours ago when Yamaguchi had confronted Tsukki in his classroom. He decided to leave out the whole rejection and running away part. 

The green-haired boy abruptly shut off, too scared to look Suga in the eyes who smiled slightly. 

“That sounds great Tadashi, you were the one to finally tame that tall  _ fucking _ giraffe.” He joked lightly, but Yamaguchi didn’t laugh, feeling the overwhelming need to hurl in the nearest trash can. 

“It’s just… Isn’t it… weird…?” 

Suga frowned, the twinkle in his eyes leaving as his hand left Yamaguchi’s back and he looked back up at the sky. 

“What makes you think it’s weird?”

“Well…” Yamaguchi thought. “My parents-”

Suga interrupted him, giving a knowing smile. “Yes, your  _ parents...  _ Yamaguchi. Do you think it’s  _ weird _ ? Think about it… Do you like Tsukishima?”

Yamaguchi paused hesitantly. 

“What's it like… You know- to like someone?”

Suga seemed to be caught off guard by the question, pursing his lips as he looked up. 

“Well it’s different for everyone..., But- at least- in my situation, it’s kinda like…” Suga wracked his brain looking for a good example when he lit up. “You know when you spike a ball and it somehow gets past a person’s block? When the whole team just screams and you wanna cry ‘cause you’ve made them happy, you’re a family and the joy bubbling inside you makes you wanna- just  _ explode _ .” The white-haired man exclaimed, his eyes twinkling with a sort of child-like wonder. 

Yamaguchi nodded his head slightly waiting for him to go on.

“That’s what it’s like every time I see Daichi. He makes me smile so much that by the end of the day my mouth is stinging with pain, and I feel like any amount of time with him could never be enough. I’d be able to do anything, as long as I had him alongside me.”

Yamaguchi stopped. 

“Daichi?”

Suga looked back at him confused. 

“Yes, Yamaguchi… Did you not know? I literally kiss him after each practice-”

Yamaguchi’s face went bright red at Suga’s casual mention of his PDA with the team's captain. The white-haired boy smirked which then broke out into a fit of giggles, hunching over. 

“Yamaguchi!” He laughed, wiping away tears. “You seriously didn’t notice?”

Tadashi blushed and flung his hands around rapidly. 

“Don’t look at me, how was I supposed to know!” 

After Yamaguchi got Suga to finally quiet down and cease his endless laughter and teasing, the setter turned to the freckled student and smiled. 

“Call him Yamaguchi… It physically pains me to see how oblivious you two are.”

Yamaguchi blushed, glancing down at the phone in his pocket. 

“I…” He started, taking a deep breath and looking up once more at the clear sky. “I will…”

  
  


\--------------------

“Kei! Mr. and Mrs. Suoh are arriving at any minute!” His mother shouted, in a feeble attempt to get her son to hurry up and help with the dinner preparations. 

Tsukki looked himself dreadfully up and down in his bedroom mirror. 

He looked dead, either that or in so much pain he wanted to be. 

Deep bags creased his eyes in circles, they were still puffy from crying earlier that morning as well, the red adding to the whole  _ dead inside  _ look. The black button-up shirt his mother picked out for him was uncomfortably tight and made Tsukki feel like he was going to pop a button each time he moved his arm a centimeter.  _ Was this shirt meant for a nine-year-old _ ?

Adjusting his shirt once more, Tsukki frowned at himself and wondered how long it’d take for him to launch himself out his bedroom window. 

God, he just wanted to sleep, close his eyes for a second, and be calm. Before Tsukki could stop himself he was already sighing contently, daydreaming of a peaceful day basking in the sunlight of an open window, Yamaguchi’s arms wrapped tightly around him as they laid on top of each other, stretched out like two cats. 

Tsukki soon snapped out of the comforting thoughts as his brother rammed his door open, loudly making an entrance. 

“Kei, hurry up, they literally just pulled into the driveway!” 

Tsukki groaned inwardly, begrudgingly dragging himself down the staircase to the house’s dining room. 

The doorbell rang once, the sound echoing like an emergency siren flashing in Tsukki’s head, seeming to tell him: “ _ run! Get out of here!”  _ But he continued on, shifting uncomfortably in his shirt, as his mom finished putting food on their table. 

“Ah, Mrs. Suoh!” She sang, opening the door to their guests as the family of three stepped into their living room. 

Tsukki refused to look at their daughter, his gaze burning into the family photos on their staircase. He wanted to leave,  _ he wanted to leave. _

Before long they were all halfway through the meal, the dinner party perfectly orchestrated by his mother as the two families sat together. 

“Thank you so much for having us over Ms. Tsukishima.” Mrs. Suoh smiled. “My daughter was really excited to meet your son after she heard he plays volleyball… Did you know she plays for her school's team as well?” The mother bragged, waving a hand in the general direction of her daughter. 

The girl blushed at her words and Tsukki frowned, looking away. He could almost feel his mother's glare as she smiled through gritted teeth. 

“Ah, that's wonderful, I’m sure my Kei would  _ love  _ to play with her sometime!” His mom asserted once more, folding her hands neatly in front of her. 

The girl blushed, tucking a thick lock of brown hair behind her ear. “I’d love to…” She smiled. 

Everyone’s gaze fell on Tsukki, expecting him to respond. As he remained quiet, silently looking down at his phone in an attempt to tell everyone he’s not interested in small talk. What he wasn’t expecting however was to have one new notification. The tiny blue dot catching his attention.

_ One new message from _ :  _ Tadashi _

Oh fuck,  _ oh shit.  _

It took everything Tsukki had to remain composed in front of their guests as he shakily tapped on his phone screen and read the plain, single text.

**Can we meet at the park? Sorry**

There was a pause, then Yamaguchi sent a small photo of one of those cursed, sad cats. God Tsukki loved Yamaguchi, but sometimes the cringe-y feline memes were pushing his limit. 

He bit his lip, worrying thoughts intruding his head.  _ What if he wanted to tell him he no longer wanted to be friends?  _

Tsukki frowned, shaking the image from his head as Akiteru kicked him in the leg, bringing him back to reality. 

“We’ve been really worried about Kei recently,” His mother sighed, frowning. “He’s only ever had one friend...,  _ And  _ he’s always refused to talk with any of the girls in his class.” 

Mrs. Suoh nodded in understanding, the two talking about Tsukki like he wasn’t even there. 

“I was extremely grateful when you offered to introduce your lovely daughter to my son.” His mother complimented, smiling happily. 

“Oh don’t worry about it!” Mrs. Suoh waved her hand dismissively. “I’m sure my daughter can  _ fix  _ him-”

Tsukki slammed his fist on the table, the anger and grief finally making him snap. His mother had been dismissing his feelings since the very beginning of this godforsaken dinner party, and he knew for a fact she was going to after. She’d always rejected him in favor of his older brother. After all, Akiteru was an amazing volleyball player, Akiteru was a good student, Akiteru wasn’t  _ gay _ .

“I will be leaving now,” Tsukki growled, not bothering to hide his anger, as he stomped from his seat grabbing his thin autumn jacket, leaving the rest of the two families in shocked astonishment as he slammed the door shut. 

Tsukishima pulled his jacket over his shoulders and zipped it shut, running to get as far away from the house as possible. He was going to have to deal with his mother and older brother later, but that was a problem for the future. 

The blonde teenager took a deep sigh of air as he checked his phone once more, and surprisingly there were two new messages from Yamaguchi. 

**Please Tsukki??**

A pause… Then,

**I really need to talk to you**

Tsukki bit his lip, slowly typing a reply as his running turned into a brisk gate. 

**I’ll be there soon**

\-------------

Yamaguchi nervously tapped his foot against the soft grass ground of the park as he watched the sun slowly dip past the horizon. The sky was a beautifully orchestrated oil painting of purples, blues, pinks, and oranges. 

He’d been mentally preparing a script of exactly what he was going to tell Tsukki. His plan could go one, of two ways. 

First Yamaguchi would face Tsukki and tell him flat out, “Tsukki, I was wrong, I’m sorry.” He was ready to apologize a thousand times if that’s what it took. He knew what he wanted,  _ he wanted Kei.  _

Then he was going to confess… Or at least  _ try  _ too. Tadashi, knowing himself, knew he has a tendency to get tongue-tied when it comes to stressful situations, so that's why he’s been going over a script of exactly what he wants to say. Yamaguchi was no poet but he was proud of what he had prepared and felt confident in his profession of love. 

“Yamaguchi?” Called the deep voice of Tsukki, and the freckled boy immediately perked up, trying to fix his hair and get that one strand to lay down. 

“Tsukki!” He smiled, scrambling as the blonde climbed from the bushes, into the open area around them. The orange from the sunset illuminated Tsukki, appearing like a halo from the sky, and Yamaguchi couldn’t help but blush as he twiddled with his fingers. 

There was a silence as the two looked at each other, the sunset slowly melting away and being replaced with deep indigo violets, and blues. 

“I’m uh…” Tsukki paused, scratching the back of his neck and avoiding looking at Yamaguchi. “Sorry,” He coughed. “I should’ve realized you didn’t like me… I was stupid.” 

Tadashi’s eyes widened as Tsukishima bit his lip, looking up at the sky. 

The tall volleyball player was about to continue when Yamaguchi interrupted him. 

_ Come on Tadashi, you got this! Woo him with your words! _

“I uhh…” the freckled student panicked, a deep blush spreading across his face. “I really like you and I think you’re really pretty!” He blurted, the sound of his voice cracking echoing in the night. 

_ Nice going dingus, you were sooo smooth! _

Yamaguchi chided, inwardly smacking himself across the face as he smiled awkwardly up at Tsukki. 

Kei looked down at him blankly, seeming to process everything like a computer rebooting. 

“Wait you… do?” Asked Tsukki, raising a hand in objection. 

Yamaguchi sighed, finally able to say what he really wanted to. “I realized..., That maybe my parents aren’t right in everything, and there’s a lot I need to find out about myself.” He looked at the ground, ignoring Tsukki’s gaze. “I want you to be there with me through it, and if I know one thing for sure is that  _ I  _ like  _ you _ …”

Tsukki looked at him in astonishment, and Yamaguchi smiled. In all his years of being Tsukki’s friend he’d never quite seen this side to him, the closest thing to it was when Akiteru betrayed his trust. Tsukki was usually stoic, unwavering, and solid, a tall strong pole in the middle of a raging ocean, but now he was fragile, blushing, almost human. 

The blonde grabbed Yamaguchi’s hand and looked him dead in his eyes. “You’re serious right?”

“As serious as I could ever be.” Confirmed Yamaguchi with a smile, as he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and feeling all the weight fall off his shoulders. 

Before he could do anything else Tsukki wrapped Yamaguchi in his arms, pulling him in close and hugging him to his chest. 

Yamaguchi welcomed the embrace and it wasn’t long before Tsukki’s body started shaking slightly, the green-haired boy could feel his two silent tears in the aftermath of the night as the blonde buried his face in his neck. Tadashi almost started crying himself, when Tsukki pulled away from the hug, cradling Yamaguchi’s face in his hands as the two smiled sheepishly at each other. 

Soon Tsukki had pulled Yamaguchi in and the two were connected in a loving a gentle kiss, Tsukki holding the freckled boy closer as he caressed his face. 

This felt right, this felt good and Yamaguchi soon felt himself melting into the affection as he ran his hands through Tsukki’s curly blonde hair. Finally able to find what he truly wanted, he didn’t need to be scared or worried anymore he had Tsukki, and Tsukki was all he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy do I really hate how this one turned out, but I'll come back and rewrite it soon enough, thank you for sticking with me through this journey adhslkjfsakdjf. 
> 
> If you'd like me to post more Haikyuu stuff in the future (especially bokuaka) just comment and I'll start work on it right away :)
> 
> Comments n' kudos are greatly appreciated! (they make my day :))

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Instagram: @oogaboogagivemeyourfeta for more Tsukkiyama (youdonthavetothoimsorryforputtingthisinhere)


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